Updated: Feb 22
One thing that happens when we begin to become more conscious of where we've gone unconscious, or what we haven't been aware of before, is the gap between the face of who we really are and the face that we show other people or situations in our environment. I know this is true for me. When I started to really get to know myself, I realized that I was doing things, going places, and hanging out with people that I didn't really even like. Maybe because I had always done that (habit) or maybe because other people did and I thought I was supposed to, too (who's voice is that anyway?) or maybe, (and mostly) because I didn't really even know who I was or what I wanted. The more I began to become aware of where I was just functioning automatically or unconsciously, the more I realized there was a pretty big gap between who I was being and how I felt when I was in the safety and comfort of my own home/space and who I was being in the face of others.
There's a real incoherence here. A misalignment, an energy drain, a gap, an imbalance, a heart break when we're not being authentic, honest or true to ourselves.
One thing I notice in my coaching and homeopathy practice, as the medicine begins to bring order to the nervous system, is that people discover that they're bummed about stuff that they're not getting that they don't really even want. The habit is to focus on what isn't or hasn't gone well - instead of focusing on what is or what you would like to be. The awareness of that, becoming conscious of where we've been operating unconsciously, liberates an incredible amount of energy that is otherwise going down the proverbial drain.
It takes a lot of energy to break a bond, split an atom, stop a habit. When that bond is broken, there's a liberation of energy in which to use to create with. That's where the second part of the journey begins. You start to get to know yourself by asking, "What do I want to do?" "Who do I want to be?" "Who do I want to surround myself with?" "If I broke the bond with my habit of thinking and feeling and I liberated energy, what do I want to create?"
So what do I mean by self energy? I've been a massage therapist going on 11 years now and I now understand on a cellular level that I am not right for everyone and everyone is not right for me. I happily refer people to others because, for their greatest and most high good, as well as mine, there's another therapist out there that could be a better fit for them, a better match, more like their self energy. And when you let go of thinking you have to match everyone, and you discern between what's right for you and what isn't, when you do find the right fit, the results are amplified to a greater degree than you could've hoped for.
Have you had that experience? Where you had the best massage from someone that you really connected with? Not only did your neck pain go away but so did your headache, your cramps, your indigestion and you felt energized, invigorated and clear headed; loved, supported, seen? Have you had the experience where it was like oil and water and you felt worse afterwards than you did when you started? How about that friend that you feel so comfortable with or that activity that you just love to do that feeds you on all levels? And then how about the opposite? Going to that social function where you have to go half tipsy just so you can manage to chit chat about things you don't even like to people you don't really vibe with? or the job that makes you drink coffee all day just to get through?
It's all very good information. There's no such thing as failure, only feedback, so it's still worth it to get the reflection of whether it is a match for you... or not. That's the gift of all experiences, you get to know yourself more and hopefully next time, be more true to yourself.
We have a very conventional way of looking at things. Take this food for this vitamin, take this supplement for this reason, see this therapist for this reason, then go see this other person for this other reason; take this medicine for blood pressure, this one for cholesterol and this one for acid reflux. One thing for one thing. All fine, but there's another, much more wholesome, well rounded and more complete way. If you've ever said "I don't have enough time" then maybe you could consider a more totality approach so you get more bang for your buck, so to speak, leaving more time and energy for thriving as a whole instead of just surviving piece by piece. Find the activity/person/or place that checks a lot of boxes all at once. Something with self energy - a close reflection to you and where you are now in your journey of life. The more you get to know yourself and what that might be, the more energy you'll get from the activity/person/place with which to create with. You'll notice yourself feeling and being more relaxed, more creative and more fulfilled with more time and energy on your hands.
Be curious, explore and let yourself evolve. We outgrow things and grow into new ones so allow for evolution of the self. Shakespeare seemed like a smart guy and so was my dad... whose favorite quote was "to thine own self be true."